Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Falling Asleep in the Dentist Chair, *Kiss Kiss! Hug Hug!*, and Debating with Dr.Oz

I leave for vacation tomorrow at 9:30am and as usual, I'm right on top of things, which if you actually know me, this is a lie because I haven't even begun packing yet. And I don't plan on starting til probably about midnight. I'm not driving and it's a nine hour car drive to where I'm going so, they way I see it, I might as well stay up all night and then crash for the entire car ride, only to wake up and use the little girls room and eat some fattening fast food that will go straight to my hips. This was the plan until I got a phone call from my dentist's office right before I left for work saying that I have a check-up at 8:45am, poo! I forgot about! I'm not gonna lie, I really feel like I just went to the dentist a month ago, but apparently it was more like eight months ago. Where in the world did that time go? In any event, I can fit my appointment in, but I'm going to have to drive myself, which means I probably should get some sleep tonight, so I don't fall asleep behind the wheel or in the dentist chair. Not that I haven't fallen asleep in the dentist chair before, it's no biggie, me and my dentist are on a first name basis. He can see me passed out in the dentist chair. It can't be any worst than a bunch of strangers in my liberal studies classes who witnessed me sleeping and almost falling out of the desk almost every other day, the only difference is they weren't sticking their fingers in my mouth and nor did they have the permission to do so. The way I see it is, I can still stay up all night to pack, go to my dentist appointment fall asleep in the chair if I need to (again my dentist knows me, and actually he knows me better than I know him, because he was a member at the county club I used to waitress for and during one Friday Night Fish Fry, I was fortunate enough to serve his family. Except, I didn't realize he was my dentist until I gave him his check and said "Hey, your my dentist"... he gave me a look like DUH? and said "I know.".... oops, my bad.... I responded with "I have an appointment next week, see ya then!"... so clearly after that, he shouldn't be shocked with what I do, even passing out in his ol' dentist chair.) In any event, I'm going to be staying up til 9:30am tomorrow morning and then passing out like a drunken hooker on cheap drugs.

I was delighted today, when Harley e-mailed me and told me that she really enjoys reading my blog and was glad she suggested that I do it. Well, Harley, here's a shout out for you and thank you for taking the time to read this, even though you should because you're one of my bff's and I personally know you and you have nothing better to do. But I am glad that someone reads this, but I have a feeling she is the only one who reads this, so thank you Harley for that. *Kiss Kiss* *Hug Hug*

So, yesterday afternoon, after my three hour nap (I got up early to assist my high school cheerleading coach with her squad this year, to critique them and teach them a new cheer, so after getting up at 8am and being up for 5 hours, it was time for a three hour nap, I need extra sleep n my old  age.), I curled up on the couch and watched Oprah (yes, Oprah, judge me all you want, but sometimes she has some really good shows, and besides who else would give their entire audience a school and a humpback whale? No one, but Oprah my friends!). Dr.Oz was and the audience was taking a health quiz, I'm proud to say that I got 90% of the questions right. I can't lie, it was sheer luck, I was just guessing, even though I got the right answer for some of them, the reason I chose that answer was wrong... for example....

Question 8: Impotence could be a sign of what health problem?
A) Liver problems
B) Heart disease
C) Iron deficiency
D) Underactive thymus

I said the answer was B, because he was probably broken hearted or not truly in love with the girl. So, since his heart wasn't into the girl or he was broken hearted about something, he couldn't get a hard-on, but the real reason is this....

Erections happen when arteries in the penis dilate and blood flows in. This dilation is caused by the release of a gas called nitric oxide. "If you don't have enough of that gas [to have an erection], it's not present in other places either—including your heart. It's one of the first signs that the heart is having hardened arteries."

In fact, Dr. Oz says that drugs that treat erectile dysfunction stimulate chemicals that ultimately release nitric oxide. "That stated," Dr. Oz says, "the best solution is to keep your nitric oxide levels healthy. And the way for us to do that is to keep our arteries healthy."

Science, Sch-mience, I like my reason better. I think there is some logic in my response, but I guess my reasoning truly isn't heart disease. I bet you Dr.Oz couldn't get it up one time, because of a broken heart or he truly wasn't into the girl. Love is a disease Dr.Oz! A disease of the heart! So, I think you need to re-think your scientific answer and look at all the gentlemen's love problems first. I think Oprah needs to have Dr.Oz and myself on one time for debate, we can hash this out on national television. Harpo would be thanking me for the boost in ratings...

No comments: